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Numb

14th March 2013

It's like in that movie '50/50' a young man who is diagnosed with cancer and is asked 'Are you feeling numb'? Meeting and speaking to various people around the world who have/had cancer have this numb feeling and to be honest it sucks. Doing the odd 'normal' thing like making a cup of tea or sitting outside watching the view or going for a car ride and thinking at the same time 'I have cancer?' I can kinda understand what the 'numb' feeling is. Don't know if you're going to die anyday or with my situation go mental in the head, unxpecting the unexpected really. You have awesome days like today I got to go with my awesome amazing sister to radiothearpy and go out for lunch and days when you want to vent out as much as you can, but hey isn't it healthy? Each day is milestone and I'm doing okay. My face is starting to really hurt with the radiation and my hair is slowly coming out. If it wasn't for my family and my partner in this I wouldn't know where I would be. Where do I take this pain I have sometimes? I count my blessings everyday.

Emotions are all over the place somedays. Like today I was meant to go to the Formula 1 Grand Prix but instead getting blastered with radiothearpy and fighting for my life. Yes of course I'm going to be a bit emotional, but being through with what I've been through the last few months a second chance at anything I wouldn't back down and there is always next year. You really gotta have a positive outlook on this and have the best freaking attitude you can have. I mean I can either wait in a radiothearpy waiting room with my finger in my arse moaning and crying or I can smile and give this the best shot I can with everything. I wish the cancer had never came to me, I wish my family and friends don't have to see me go through this, but it is what I do with my situation now is what matters. There are other forces than the will of evil working out there, and that is an encouraging thought.

The reason why I blog is because I am not doing it for fame or glory. I do it for awareness and exposure of something that is so unbeliebably indescible.  The power of social media is amazing, which is not because it's my work background but it has brought alot of people together in my life to support me. Cancer Groups on Facebook and Twitter? Seriously cool. I don't get to go on the computer much because it hurts my head and Ive got little strength so blogging away can give my awareness out.

I can't change the fact I've got cancer. I can't turn back the clock. But smile and keep pushing. It's like when celebeirity chef Marco Pierre White screams 'Push, Push Push' in Masterchef. Youth on myside and faith will see me through. The journey doesn't end here.



 


Comments

  1. keep fighting tom . your positive attitude is fantastic. the best bit of advise i received when sick was happy bodies heal. keep your chin up mate. catch up with you soon. love kevin and jill

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey Tom, it's miss Richardson, from ACK. I just wanted to remind you of how much we are all thinking and praying for you. As mrs radford might have told you, the VCAL students have been reading your blog and feel very inspired by your bravery and positivity. Hang in there darling :)
    Megan Richardson

    ReplyDelete

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