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Chapter 9- I have CANCER. Glioblastoma Multiforme Stage 4

Everyone has those moments in life when you don't forget things. You're 18th birthday, first car or first time you fallen in love. Those sheer moments in life also we experience are moments of pain or devastation.

January 26th was definitely not a Saturday morning sleep in as Mum and Dad came to the hospital to see me and have the meeting with the surgeon to discuss the pathology of the Tumor and to see if it was non-cancerous or cancerous. Realistically the last few days I have been emotionally preferring for both circumstances. As it was early morning finished breakfast and was speaking to Mum and Dad about everything. "Whatever it is we will get through it together".  The neurosurgeon arrived and we started speaking. The conversation started positively saying it was a successful surgery with 100% of the Tumor removed (such a blessing) and no complications. However the Tumor has left cancer cells and under the microscope the cells are cancer. The cells are known as Glioblastoma Multiforme Stage 4 the highest grading of brain cancer.

Glioblastoma Multiforme known as GBM is the most aggressive malignant brain Tumor in humans. Accounting for 52% of all functional brain tissue. A very serious cancer but very rare in young 20 year olds. There is no evidence as to what causes this. Many studies have been done but no hard true fact evidence shows that nothing I have done has caused this. It's just an unfortunate case. So nothing I did caused this, also they believe it has been a slow growing Tumor in my mind for the last 5-10 years. Explains alot. Had problems with learning, maths, science, etc etc as its in my frontal lobe.


Serious, or deadly seriously if not treated with the fight and battle of my life. They can form tumours again in a matter of weeks or days.

I can't really express how I felt at the very moment. I kept looking at Mum and Dad it was not like the feeling when I was in Emergency when I found out I had a Tumor. I was shocked, scared and almost in denial but I had faith in me, faith in God and believe that if I can survive surgery then what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. The surgeon said that I will have to undergo 9 months of Radiothearpy and Chemothearpy and I will be taken into 24 hour care for 2 weeks to look out for strokes or sejeures. Also will have to undergo neuroscience education program's to check for brain damage. Information overload much?

I have cancer. Cancer? The worlds most feared word? People cringe at the sound of it. It's one of those things you think about in you're life and you say I won't get that, we pretend we are troopers and nothing can stop us. When I found out I was blessed and happy just to be alive from surgery. God has saved me. You know what we spend so much time worry about the small things in life and we forget about what truly matters.

But I have a major battle against me but I am young, healthy and got the most amazing support team and family and I believe everything will be okay in the end because if its not its the end. Being in that situation and current now it really puts a different perspective on life. Treasuring the small things and reflecting on how important it is to live a humility life. It's just sometimes the realistic questions appear to my head. Especially at night when you're alone, it's dark and you are no longer being social with visitors. Am I going to die? How will I die? How does a GBM patient die? But I sit and prayer and everything is at peace. I am not angry. I really not. Sad? Yes. I am frustrated that I can't drive for a long time, I have to wait another year to pursue my dream in the film industry and can't be independent. But seriously? That is nothing. It means nothing. The fact that I am alive is the biggest lottery you can get. Being able to use all you're 5 senses everyday is the jackpot and being able to do treatment with Chemothearpy and Radiothearpy is Gods gift.

Am I going to accept responsibility for my situation? Am I going to accept that I have cancer? Am I going to fight this? The answer is hell yeah.

Moments I will get angry and sad but that's human. But there are no answers in the dark and hate is a wasted frustrated.

Let the fight begin!!

Comments

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