I'm sitting here having a cup of coffee as I have been up since 4am feeling terrible from my cycle 2 round of chemotherapy, and knowing I have 5 more cycles till October this year to go really mixes with my emotions and physical strength. Having an intense week of meeting with my oncology Doctor and a MRI and chemotherapy at nighttime gets all too much for my brain to process from time to time. I'm mentally exhausted. Only so much coffee and movies you can watch, therefor I draw strength from immediate family and friends and my partner Jessica.
My MRI this week was 'stable', with signs of residual tumor. It look more obvious than last time and the scary thing is that it can grow. At the moment its too hard to operate to remove that and its in a tricky part of the brain. Oh my gosh! The thought of going back to surgery means going back to square one. It's scary, terrifying and horrific to even think about, but gotta deal with it when the time comes and count the blessings and doors that are open for me right now. However it's still scary. I'm not going to lie or be in denial.
I'm dealing with alot of emotions this week, anger, grief, fearfulness etc. I'm angry that there is hardly much awareness of /Brain Cancer in Australia, it angers me. I can understand Charlie Teo's frustration over this. No ribbons to buy, or t shirts. Everything is overseas. Yes Australia is still a developing country but they have focus on other cancers. It saddens me and angers me. I hope to see this change for when another lost soul like me gets this evil thing he or she can be surrounded by Brain Cancer gifts and support products. Because if they have these support products it makes us Cancer Patients not alone and shows the world we are fighting this.
After Tuesdays MRI, I had to and still processing it all. I need to step back for a bit, and gain mental strength to re-engage again. Some people might think I am running from it and then come around later, well Im not running Im merely re-gaining my true self again. This may involve going to a movie by myself or going for a drive to clear the head or having some alone time. I don't see nothing wrong with that, and some might think Im crazy for going to the movies by myself but hey I love the movies and want to become a film Producer so its like a study thing for me.
One of my best mates Patrick has been awesome. I've always naturally had older friends but its awesome great to have someone who is in the same generation category as you. To educate them on your situation, to insight them and share life. I mean no one ever expects to get cancer and especially at 20 its a challenging yet fascinating time to deal with a life threatening illness. He has grown from the day I was admitted into surgery. He truly deserves to have what he wants in life, and deserves to have the girl of his dreams someday, as he has shown remarkable qualities as a 20 year old to stand by and support me.
Hopefully this weekend I can heal up nicely and spend next week with my beautiful, amazing parents next week for a small holiday in the Great Ocean Road area. And the following week I can spend a few days with my gorgeous girlfriend! She is the best thing that has ever happened to me! Seriously a undertaking a ill boyfriend is something she should always be recognized for. Not many girls at 18 would have that journey, or wouldn't want it. She is God's angel. Thank-you Jessica, I love you.
Thanks everyone for your support! and a BIG SHOUTOUT to all my family in England for your latest fundraiser! Especially the guys in Grantham! Bless you! Will get in touch with you soon
My MRI this week was 'stable', with signs of residual tumor. It look more obvious than last time and the scary thing is that it can grow. At the moment its too hard to operate to remove that and its in a tricky part of the brain. Oh my gosh! The thought of going back to surgery means going back to square one. It's scary, terrifying and horrific to even think about, but gotta deal with it when the time comes and count the blessings and doors that are open for me right now. However it's still scary. I'm not going to lie or be in denial.
I'm dealing with alot of emotions this week, anger, grief, fearfulness etc. I'm angry that there is hardly much awareness of /Brain Cancer in Australia, it angers me. I can understand Charlie Teo's frustration over this. No ribbons to buy, or t shirts. Everything is overseas. Yes Australia is still a developing country but they have focus on other cancers. It saddens me and angers me. I hope to see this change for when another lost soul like me gets this evil thing he or she can be surrounded by Brain Cancer gifts and support products. Because if they have these support products it makes us Cancer Patients not alone and shows the world we are fighting this.
After Tuesdays MRI, I had to and still processing it all. I need to step back for a bit, and gain mental strength to re-engage again. Some people might think I am running from it and then come around later, well Im not running Im merely re-gaining my true self again. This may involve going to a movie by myself or going for a drive to clear the head or having some alone time. I don't see nothing wrong with that, and some might think Im crazy for going to the movies by myself but hey I love the movies and want to become a film Producer so its like a study thing for me.
One of my best mates Patrick has been awesome. I've always naturally had older friends but its awesome great to have someone who is in the same generation category as you. To educate them on your situation, to insight them and share life. I mean no one ever expects to get cancer and especially at 20 its a challenging yet fascinating time to deal with a life threatening illness. He has grown from the day I was admitted into surgery. He truly deserves to have what he wants in life, and deserves to have the girl of his dreams someday, as he has shown remarkable qualities as a 20 year old to stand by and support me.
Hopefully this weekend I can heal up nicely and spend next week with my beautiful, amazing parents next week for a small holiday in the Great Ocean Road area. And the following week I can spend a few days with my gorgeous girlfriend! She is the best thing that has ever happened to me! Seriously a undertaking a ill boyfriend is something she should always be recognized for. Not many girls at 18 would have that journey, or wouldn't want it. She is God's angel. Thank-you Jessica, I love you.
Thanks everyone for your support! and a BIG SHOUTOUT to all my family in England for your latest fundraiser! Especially the guys in Grantham! Bless you! Will get in touch with you soon
Just came across your blog and I have been so inspired reading your story and seeing your positivity and great spirit. As someone who works in health care, it would be a pleasure to have a patient as gracious and pleasant as you. I will be praying for you and wish you continued strength along your journey.
ReplyDeleteSending love and support from New Jersey