'Not all those who wander are lost'. One of my most favourite quotes by JRR Tolkien (Author of Lord of the Rings Trilogy). I think it is actually means a lot in my situation.
I find some days in between treatments often find myself lost. I wish I could have more treatment, I get anxious not knowing if it is really working, or what the future holds. I see my friends going to to Uni, or starting new jobs and I was supposed to be in their shoes? However, I must not reflect on that and go down my Cancer Journey path. I feel lost as know one really I know personally has gone though what I am going through exactly, a person who has GBM. Recently met a few guys who have had cancer and it did feel really comforting. I knew exactly what they were saying, the emotions, the experiences, the lost of friends and family, and the lost of their own personal self. You will never be the same person ever again, and I feel not the same person, but too be honest I am loving this version of myself. I can never really find the old Thomas ever again, I am living in a real different dimension in time now.
The chance of a second life is truly a priceless and emotional experience. This year has been a terrible struggle, not only for me, but for my family We pray we can move out of this storm and see the horizon soon. I know it will come, it is coming just gotta keep Praying. Its the best medicine and weapon we have right now. For those who don't believe in Jesus that's totally cool, but ever seen the day I was diagnosed a Bible so many different Christians all over the world in my family just 'happened' to send me Get Well Cards with the following Verse on it. Also it just 'happens' to appear in my music and movies from time to time. And before I was even diagnosed I have never heard of this before.
I find some days in between treatments often find myself lost. I wish I could have more treatment, I get anxious not knowing if it is really working, or what the future holds. I see my friends going to to Uni, or starting new jobs and I was supposed to be in their shoes? However, I must not reflect on that and go down my Cancer Journey path. I feel lost as know one really I know personally has gone though what I am going through exactly, a person who has GBM. Recently met a few guys who have had cancer and it did feel really comforting. I knew exactly what they were saying, the emotions, the experiences, the lost of friends and family, and the lost of their own personal self. You will never be the same person ever again, and I feel not the same person, but too be honest I am loving this version of myself. I can never really find the old Thomas ever again, I am living in a real different dimension in time now.
The chance of a second life is truly a priceless and emotional experience. This year has been a terrible struggle, not only for me, but for my family We pray we can move out of this storm and see the horizon soon. I know it will come, it is coming just gotta keep Praying. Its the best medicine and weapon we have right now. For those who don't believe in Jesus that's totally cool, but ever seen the day I was diagnosed a Bible so many different Christians all over the world in my family just 'happened' to send me Get Well Cards with the following Verse on it. Also it just 'happens' to appear in my music and movies from time to time. And before I was even diagnosed I have never heard of this before.
Jeremiah 29:11
New International Version (NIV)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
What a beautiful verse, and by that it means it's a two way street. I have to play my bit too, and I have to fight this as well. Because what we do in this world, matters. It matters so much.
Still a lonely path I tread, but Faith is my torch in the darkness. Doesn't mean that its going to be easy, its going to be bloody tough, but believe that its going to be okay in the end, because in the end it's going to matter how you are going to finish, and you are going to finish strong. Just because my fate is unknown, gives you no reason not to believe, when you are given every reason not too.
You are so amazing xx
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