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Lost in a wilderness of horrors

Last couple of nights have been really tough, not being able to sleep. Long being awake by a thousands thoughts running through my mind. Its now nearly October and I don't even know where I am in the fight. It's not like a broken arm, you know when you will be healed, this Cancer is so up in the air, not even at arms reach to take control. Recently, I was out of action with a 10 day flu, which is serious because it can lead to death and can quickly shut my body down because my immune system is defenceless at this time.

It is so hard to find strength and motivation when the whole world keeps going, your still doing treatment, and having to cancel so many catch ups with friends due to sudden illness from chemotherapy reactions. I am not one to sit at home all day, I love driving, coffees, movies and hanging out with friends and family. I am currently on a new Infusion Clinical Trial, which is a all day Infusion, the staff are lovely and the hospital is excellent.

I think I have been having a few weeks or months feeling really really good, but at the moment with everything going on and new treatment the emotions are raising up again. Which inconclusion puts a heavy mental stroll on your physical well being. Lately, I have been finding myself doing alot of community work. My local Park and community centre have been amazing, but yet the Park here in Wallan and the community centre could be taken away by the Shire Council so I have been in charge of the social media campaign. Which is so exciting, and something which is so me.

I often think will I ever start my dream? To do Filmmaking at Swinburne University? Is this dream realistic now, or is it just imagination to keep me going? I am starting to think that my journey would be a good basis for a feature film. I hope one day maybe Screen Australia could consider it for a potential film.


But on a awesome positive note, I get the chance to fly to Sydney with Mum and Dad soon and hopefully if I get a stable MRI result next month, the whole family, we can all go on a Holiday to the Gold Coast! A massive dream of mine ever since I was diagnosed.

I think the next couple of days is important I recover my strength, get well enough so I can fight another day. Be with the right people, set a good positive mindset, watch good films, go for beautiful drives and be in the presence of God. Because God can performs miracles, you just have to believe. Be with mates and family, and use the power of love to protect me.

The journey continues.

Comments

  1. Dreams are important for everyone - sometimes they become real sometimes they do not; but we still dream because at times they provide an escape. I find writing poetry helps. Of course you have your film-making talents which may do the same. If the strength and prayers of strangers have any power then you have I know a lot of power you are not even aware of. Keep dreaming, keep imagining and when you feel 'you' do not have the strength know others are out there sending there strength to you.

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  2. Sending you strength all the way from Amsterdam Netherlands. Charlotte Coppola

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi Thomas. I have been reading your blog. Hope you are doing well. I am sending you prayers all the way from singapore. I had an uncle who was battling GBM. Do say strong and positive. May god make all your dreams come true. If possible, please update us about how you are doing as many of us are really anxiously waiting to know that you are ok

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  4. My thoughts are with you - you have a wonderful attitude and outlook on life and this helps -- you are a brave guy and I will be keeping you in prayers and looking forward to reading about a positive outcome from the clinical trial.
    Jenny, USA

    ReplyDelete

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